The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, â€śWell, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. Iâ€™m not sure the IRS finds that believable.â€ť
â€śIâ€™m a great gambler, and I can prove it,â€ť says Grandpa. â€śHow about a demonstration?â€ť
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, â€śOK. Go ahead.â€ť
Grandpa says, â€śIâ€™ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.â€ť
The auditor thinks a moment and says, â€śItâ€™s a bet.â€ť
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditorâ€™s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, â€śNow, Iâ€™ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.â€ť
The auditor can tell Grandpa isnâ€™t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpaâ€™s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
â€śWant to go double or nothing?â€ť Grandpa asks. â€śIâ€™ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.â€ť
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides thereâ€™s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he canâ€™t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditorâ€™s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpaâ€™s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
â€śAre you OK?â€ť the auditor asks.
â€śNot really,â€ť says the attorney. â€śThis morning, when Grandpa told me heâ€™d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that youâ€™d be happy about it.â€ť
Donâ€™t mess with old people!