January 22, 2020The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, â€śWell, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. Iâ€™m not sure the IRS finds that believable.â€ť
â€śIâ€™m a great gambler, and I can prove it,â€ť says Grandpa. â€śHow about a demonstration?â€ť
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, â€śOK. Go ahead.â€ť
Grandpa says, â€śIâ€™ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.â€ť
The auditor thinks a moment and says, â€śItâ€™s a bet.â€ť
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditorâ€™s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, â€śNow, Iâ€™ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.â€ť
The auditor can tell Grandpa isnâ€™t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpaâ€™s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
â€śWant to go double or nothing?â€ť Grandpa asks. â€śIâ€™ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.â€ť
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides thereâ€™s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he canâ€™t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditorâ€™s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpaâ€™s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
â€śAre you OK?â€ť the auditor asks.
â€śNot really,â€ť says the attorney. â€śThis morning, when Grandpa told me heâ€™d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that youâ€™d be happy about it.â€ť
Donâ€™t mess with old people!LOL