10/12/2019 12:35:58 PM

A limo is driving late at night, suddenly a cow runs out onto the road and hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner,
says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor
cow. You were driving."
So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the
animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old.
Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and
tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."
Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated,
a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.
The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer
opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave
me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.
Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened,
I said to them, "I`m Nancy Pelosi`s chauffeur, and I`ve
just killed the old cow."

10/12/2019 12:25:51 AM

A duded-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD.
He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker. "If you ain`t gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says. "Nah, you go ahead."
Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.
The old biker quietly says. "Yep, that`s as far as I got, too."

10/11/2019 10:15:42 PM

An older, balding, white haired, duck hunter from Northern Minnesota, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said "No, I`d like to see something a little more special".
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here`s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said.
The lady`s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said "We`ll take it".
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated "By check. Now I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I`ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I`ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon".
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said "There`s no money in that account!" "I know" said the old man "But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!

10/11/2019 8:24:09 PM

For a minute I thought we might have had a conversation happening!

10/11/2019 7:38:16 PM

Perfect temp it sounds like, VT. Hopefully we can get a few weeks of autumn before the snow sets in for the winter!!
Kalifornia is turning the power off to prevent fires, the state is burning down, and their governor signed FIFTEEN new gun laws. Crazy times.

10/11/2019 7:33:38 PM

WoooWeee Dave, sounds like a deep freeze out there, it was a beautiful day here in central Va. Musta been around 75 degrees or so. I worked on my car out there in the drive in shorts and a tshirt this afternoon, it was very comfortable not too hot and not too cold. It sure beats the hell out of freezing to death and shoveling all that snow.

Now just southwest of you out in Calif. it is trying to self destruct.
They got fire and winds trying to drive all the people out. But I see where ya`ll are having another blizzard up there.

Crazy weather this nation of ours is having, I think mother nature is trying to revolt against them democrats for slinging so much schitt and heat at Trump, so she is trying to show everyone who is really in charge.

Stay warm Dave!!!!!!!! Keep the AC on McG…...

10/11/2019 6:41:56 PM

LOL It was 7F last night. It got up to 38 today so some of the snow melted. I really miss Arizona about now. We went from Summer to Winter in 2 weeks. I would deal with the heat and humidity y`all have right now!

10/11/2019 6:29:47 PM

I`ll tell you. I`m having to suffer through the daily 79 degree weather. Having been born and raised in New York State, in the Hudson Valley, right on the river and in the Appalachin Mts., I am managing to suffer through. The countryside up there is beautiful - like where you live. I still don`t like living where it is flat for a five hour drive west till you hit those mountains. But - I have the ocean and 2,600 music bars and restaurants to entertain me and I`ve come to love it here in my old age. I do like to be warm about 9 or 10 months. Jan. and Feb. it goes down below 50 Deg. and every 2 or 3 years we get an inch of snow that melts before lunch time. You`ve been here in the south. Problem is you live in a beautiful place, just a bit cold for a while. Life is real good and seeing Randy a couple times a year sure is great.

10/11/2019 12:37:38 PM

Thanks, McG. How are things?

10/11/2019 12:29:34 PM

---- P E R F E C T ----------- I love it Dave .............

10/11/2019 11:10:37 AM

LOL Thanks, VT. I enjoyed it.

10/11/2019 10:58:51 AM

yeeehaaa!!!!! go get em grandma!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one dave!!!!!!

10/10/2019 2:24:05 PM

Wendy was a prostitute, but she didn`t want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes, and Wendy was among them. The police took them outside and lined them up along the driveway when, suddenly, Wendy`s grandma came by.
Grandma asked "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Wendy told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that`s awfully nice of them. I think I`ll get some for myself" and proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied "Oh, it`s easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry!"

10/10/2019 2:16:33 PM

I hate to just post jokes but there isn`t anything else going on here.

10/10/2019 1:53:09 PM

I do like the jokes... Especially the last one. HaHaHaHaHaHa